Are You Pulling on a Brick Wall?

The Winter Olympics is an incredible display of the best that humanity has to offer. However, it is also a cold, calculating laboratory for a problem that I've given a lot of thought to lately: The struggle between Agency (our ability to affect the outcome of events) and Reality (the laws of physics governing the world we live in). It's a topic I discuss in Chapter 2 of the *Zero-Sum Illusion. *

Just hours ago, we witnessed a tragic illustration of this issue with US Alpine skiing star Lindsey Vonn.

At 41, Vonn made a shock return to the competitive sports arena, defying medical advice just nine days after rupturing ligaments in her knee. Her return was an act of pure Agency. It exemplified the philosophy often associated with Carl Jung: "I am not what has occurred to me, I am what I choose to become".

Vonn elected to be a competitor. She refused to accept the "victim" label. She defied the doctors and the scepticism of other competitors. And it might have worked.

However, she hit the gate on her first jump, and she ran into Reality, requiring an airlift to hospital.

The Brick Wall

In a Huberman Lab episode I listened to recently, Dr. Elissa Epel discusses the futility of "pulling on a brick wall" - the exhaustion that results from attempting to control the uncontrollable. Jump to 1 h 29 for this discussion...

For Vonn, the "brick wall" consisted of both her biology and physics.

This is the paradox that we all experience, but usually with less significant consequences than an Olympic downhill competition.

We are often encouraged to have a "positive mindset", to "push through", and to motivate ourselves with self-talk that defies reality. And there is truth in that; without agency, we are passive. But science shows that by practising "radical acceptance" we reduce our stress, and discover a more permanent type of agency.

But how can we determine when to apply force and when to accept the situation? And where does luck come into it?

Yes, in my view the third component to this equation is typically overlooked in positive self-talk circles: Luck (or variance).

When competing in the finals of an Olympic event such as the downhill ski, or even higher risk events like the snowboarding "big air", competitors are usually attempting a feat that they may only successfully complete a few times out of many during training. In essence, they are testing the limits of what is physically possible.

The winner of the gold medal is not the athlete with the greatest amount of "positive self-talk". Rather, the gold medallist is likely to be the athlete who:

• Accepts Reality: They respect the physical properties of the ice and the limitations of their equipment.
• Applies Agency: They use their vast knowledge and skill to produce speed or art within the confines of those physical properties.
• Acknowledges Luck: They accept that they are placing a high-variance bet.

Vonn placed the bet. She used immense agency to attempt the feat; however, on this day, Luck was not with her, and Reality prevailed. (To be precise about this, Reality *always *prevails! Those of you that know me well know that I am compelled to "be precise" as a high-C DISC type. 😊)

The Rower in Seat Six

I’ve been wrestling with this exact tension while revising Chapter 2 of my book, The Zero-Sum Illusion.

I use the analogy of a rowing crew to explain how we navigate these forces. In the sixth seat of the boat is a "Powerhouse". The Powerhouse is the strongest rower in the boat, driven by the "Mind Over Matter" philosophy. He is attempting to propel the boat forward through sheer will. Unfortunately, he fails to listen to the water, and therefore, he rows a fraction of a second before the water is ready. His strength becomes a braking force. He has a "Loud Ego".

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In the seventh seat is a "Veteran". She has what is called a "Quiet Ego". She "feels" the boat. She recognises the water as it is - choppy, heavy or fast - and perfectly synchronises her oar to the water.

The rower in seat six is struggling against the team, the boat and the water (trying to pull on the brick wall). The rower in seat seven is working with the team, boat and water.

From Force to Flow

Too many people act like rowers in seat six. They believe that if they only want something enough - if they are only angry enough or determined enough - they can force the world to conform to their desires.

True power arises from the synthesis of Agency and Acceptance.

It means recognising that the brick wall (or the injured knee, or the icy patch) exists, and instead of crashing into it, applying your agency to find a way around it.

This week, why not recognise where you are forcing a particular outcome through pure determination. Are you the Powerhouse causing a jolt in the boat?

Stop pulling on the brick wall. Get into sync with the flow. Listen, Breathe, then pull.

What I'm Reading This Week

As I mentioned above, the Huberman Lab episode featuring Dr. Elissa Epel caused me to think deeply about this subject. It led me to pick up her book, The Stress Prescription, which I have been reading this week.

It is the perfect companion to the "Seat 6 vs. Seat 7" concept.

Dr. Epel suggests that we often carry a tremendous amount of "allostatic load" (physical wear and tear) because we don't distinguish what we can control versus what we cannot. She identifies seven "prescriptions" to combat this, but the first two seem to be written specifically for the Rower in Seat 6: Accept the uncertainty and put down the burden of what you can't control.

These are the practical applications of Radical Acceptance. Dr. Epel explains that when we stop resisting the "brick wall" of reality, we cease generating a toxic threat response.

However, she does not suggest we become inactive. That is where the Agency comes in. She describes how we can train our cells to "metabolize stress" better. Dr. Epel recommends several tools for doing so including immersing oneself in nature to help reset the nervous system and engaging in "deep restoration" to convert that nervous energy into a "challenge response".

We stop using our energy to try to move the wall and begin using our energy to focus.

If you feel like you are consistently drained from attempting to control the outcome of events, I highly recommend this book. It is a very practical guide to releasing the emotional baggage we carry.

Enough thinking for now,

Grant

PS To chat about how these ideas apply to your own work or leadership, reply to this email. I’m booking 15-minute virtual coffees and would love to meet you. Book it directly in my calendar here.

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